Comedic Private Eye

Last weekend, I was watching the 1968 movie “Inspector Clouseau” that had Alan Arkin playing the title character. It had me thinking how I have always been amused by the bumbling detective character type, the incompetent sleuth who somehow manages to be the hero in the end. Another good example is Frank Drebin from Police Squad/Naked Gun immortalized by Leslie Nielsen.  In my video productions, I think the lady who could best emulate this persona is of course Lydia Lael.

With this on my mind, our blog contributor e32100 recently made a post for a story idea that would be a sequel of the video To Catch a Thief.  I would like to share in its entirety, because it is a fun read and contains possibilities to re-create this set up in a future production.

Lydia is now a Private Eye (after being fired from her last job) & spots Tara walking into a designer clothes shop. Lydia follows Tara in the hopes of catching her shoplifting. Because Lydia is dressed in a trench coat & trilby, she decides to change her clothes to look like another ordinary customer so that Tara feels safe to commit a crime. Tara is dressed in a fabulous outfit. We see Tara browsing the clothes rails. Lydia is changing clothes/disguises so we see her in various states of dress & undress.

Then Tara goes towards a door with a sign on it saying “STAFF ONLY”. Lydia is staring at Tara. Tara turns around. Lydia ducks. Tara turns back to the door, opens it, enters the storeroom, closing the door behind her. Lydia thinks that this is her chance for revenge by catching the criminal who made a fool her resulting in losing her previous job. Lydia moves towards the door, cautously she opens it, seeing no sign of the crook Tara, she enters the storeroom.

The storeroom is full of mannequins/shop window dummies. Some of the mannequins are very life like when they are dressed with the latest designer fashion, hair (wig) & makeup – other are of an older more basic design, for that reason they look like plain plastic. The storeroom also has clothes rails (on wheels) with expensive clothes ready for sale. Lydia thinks that Tara is not just going to shoplift just one or two expensive dresses but a whole truck load – & in broad daylight.

There is the sound of foot steps approaching. Lydia sees a member of staff coming & because she only dressed in her underwear she panics. Quickly because she is standing behind beside a shop dummy/mannequin who is wearing similar underwear Lydia strikes a pose the same as the dummy. The shop assistant is carrying in her hand an expensive necklace & is looking for a dummy to put it on.

The shop assistant stares at both the dummy & Lydia for a few seconds says “Who dressed this thing in last season’s lingerie?” . “Say who vandalized this one by drawing on it” referring to Lydia’s tattoos. The shop assistant then sticks her finger in her mouth to wet it & then rubs Lydia’s tattoos to see if they will rub off the same way a mother would try to remove dirt from her child’s dirty face. The tattoos don’t rub off. The shop assistant gives up. She says “I’d better remove these old rags before the owner sees them on display” & then start to remove Lydia’s underwear. Lydia is frozen in her pose. After a bit of a struggle & the assistant complaining that these new life like dummies are harder to work with than old ones you could just pull to pieces to get the clothes on & off. Lydia is now completely naked in front of the assistant. The assistant then says staring at Lydia’s public hair “OMG they are really trying to make these things really realistic now. This one even has a hairy pussy – & it needs to be trimmed!” Then the assistant walks away to get a pair of scissors. Lydia decides she had better leave before the assistant returns!

Lydia is still naked apart from the expensive necklace.

Lydia see another door. Lydia now is so desparate to escape she almost runs through it & doesn’t care what is on the other side – just hoping it is freedom.

Lydia is now standing standing naked apart from the expensive necklace in an alleyway. To her left at the end of the alleyway there is a busy street & to her right is network of other alleys & quiet side streets. The door behind her is now shut.

For what seems forever her gorgeous naked heroine is frozen standing still, her perfect buttocks pressed tight against the door (this of course makes her perfect formed breast more noticeable), shivering with cold & mainly fear. Her nipples are erect. This not the first time she has been locked outside naked. The last time was also because she tried to arrest the master criminal Tara. Lydia spent time in the local police cells, but was released with a caution & a warning that if she ran around in public naked anytime in the future she would be in serious trouble, as the local sheriff & district attorneys ran on the political platform of “wholesome family values”.

There is a security camera just above the door. The security guard who is meant to be monitoring the cameras has just come back from a coffe break. He sees Lydia naked apart from the expensive necklace. He recognizes the necklace as the owner of the shop told him that, he would loses his job if this neclace was stolen. He rushes to the door. Our heroine is knocked down by guard opening the door so quickly. Before she can say anything the guard puts handcuffs on her. Making a quip about her not needing matching bracelets but they suited her more than the necklace which didn’t belong to her.

Our heroine try to explain but by now the guard has a tight grip on her & take her to the manager’s office, hoping for a big reward.

The manager is not alone she is busy talking to a familar face. The familar face is Tara. It is explained that Tara is the owner, who has just dropped by to check that everything was being run smoothly & that the expensive necklace was being safely guarded.

Lydia & Tara recognize each other. Lydia tries to explain but Tara dismisses all the events of there previous meeting to her employees as fantasy & tells the manager to call the police & the guard to get a pair of rubber gloves. The reason for the gloves are of course the fact Lydia’s beautiful body maybe naked, but it still had hiding places & there was other expensive jewellery in the store that might of gone missing.

The police arrive. Lydia is taken to jail – still naked. The police use the fact that Lydia is trying to wriggle free to securely man handle her.

The trial is quick – Lydia left the store (from a back exit – without an alarm sounding in the security office.) with the necklace & was naked in public (Public Indecency) the video from the security camera & the witness statements of the guard, the manager & Tara (a fine upstanding, law abiding, business woman). Lydia will have to spend a long time in prison making friends with her cellmates.

Now, this would obviously be a very detailed production. If I could rent some kind of store front space, that would be excellent. Although I might have to improvise and look into more of a warehouse or office, and see about picking up mannequins.  I love the idea of Lydia as a private eye, on the trail of her elusive nemesis, Tara. Probably I would simplify such a story, while retaining the concepts of Lydia going into a disguise, and even posing as a nude mannequin. I could see her being discovered by Tara, and Lydia has to remain frozen to keep from blowing her cover. That would lead to some brilliant comedy, as Tara takes a closer interest in the “mannequin”.

From there, the action could pick up again with our not-so-private eye following the criminal and eventually getting them both into a series of trouble. Like the suggestion in the post, it would probably end in Lydia finding herself arrested as well, or perhaps instead of Tara, for a final bit of irony. I think there is a lot of good stuff here, and certainly a possibility for a summer project.


12 responses to “Comedic Private Eye

    • To set the record straight!

      I originally had most of this story before Christmas & couldn’t remember whether I had an original concept of the “mannequin” or I had the memory of seeing it somewhere. About an hour I remembered that I had seen a documentary about Harrison Marks & Pamela Green.

      “One of Marks’ most popular 8mm glamour films was The Window Dresser (1961), starring Pamela Green as a catburglar who hides from the law by posing as a lingerie shop dummy. Marks does a character turn as the shop’s exaggeratedly gay owner, but the short’s obvious raison d’être remained Green’s show stopping shop window striptease. Clips from The Window Dresser were used in a 1964 piece on the glamour film scene in the Rediffusion programme This Week. These clips showed Pamela Green fully unclothed, footage possibly broadcast in error, and the ensuing controversy resulted in Green having to defend the 8mm film on the BBC Light Programme’s Woman’s Hour.[2] After a judge threw out an obscenity charge against The Window Dresser (according to legend remarking “I’ll buy a copy for my son, case dismissed”)”

      The documentary also featured clips from The Naked World of Harrison Marks (1965) & Come Play With Me (1977), which featured Mary Millington.

      This documentary was about ten years ago & was shown on BBC2 (I think).

      If search one click chicks you will find some material from Kane & . I also saw in another forum Linzi Drew photographs featuring her dressed in a traffic wardens near the end of her shift stopping at a newsagents/bookshop that had adult magazines on display, where she was convinced that she could earn a lot of money as a porn star without the abuse she had to take as a traffic warden. To convince he suggests as it is quiet she should do some of the poses in one of the magazines. She tries some for a laugh. Then shows her another pose in which the model is bent over a man’s knees. She of course is worried about this, does so anyway – guess what happens next – he spanks for being the traffic warden how give him a ticket recently.

      One final suggestion in the Emperor Comics Yahoo group there is an ablum “Bank Job”

      If you feel like cutting big lumps out of this comment – please do so, because after checking that the above made sense (well sort of) & the links work (hopefully without problems – adult sites can cause problems if your security is not up to the mark), I was bored reading it.

      • Very interesting read, thank you for sharing!

        One of the reasons I wanted to post about this today is because I did not have a chance to respond on the OCC fourm. I’ve always preferred not to bump that thread without new content or some exciting announcement. So I would rather continue the discussion here.

        That Pamela Green was lovely.

      • Harrison Marks clearly had a good eye for beautiful women, as one of his other model’s was Margaret Nolan aka Vicki Kennedy who played Dink in Goldfinger. I am not sure whether that was before or after she appeared in Playboy. As well as 6 “Carry On” films.

        I hope any video doesn’t turn out like the 1987 Kim Cattrall “Mannequin” or “Mannequin: On the Move” (1991).

        Plus have you ever seen a Tv programme called “EuroTrash”. It was cancelled years ago after running for about 10 years. I was watching a sort of “best of” a few weeks ago. In it featured of a man who to satisfy his fetish for mannequins made a video/film with beautiful models, just wearing skull caps & their gentials covered with flesh covered latex. No sex – I think (hope). Walking & poseing in a store open to the public. I have really got to stop watching late night Tv, it makes it harder to sleep.

      • The mannequin movie with Cattrall was awful. There was only one hot scene, or could have been a hot scene, from the original. When she first comes to life, she is nude and the guy hurries to cover up her front. Something like that, if I remember. Because nothing is shown, the implied nudity was quite a tease.

        They probably have had programs like Eurotrash on late night cable networks like Showtime. Exploring some really bizarre fetishes. I don’t think my videos will go too far in that direction. So hopefully won’t keep you up late at night, ha ha!

    • You could make references to that fact that mannequins look like something out of a horror movie as there is a Doctor Who monster called the Autons.

      • That would be a pretty funny remark for someone to make. I could picture Tara findind the naked Lydia posing as a mannequin and say, “That looks like something out of a horror movie!”

  1. So, this private eye video is gonna be probably in summer time, but do you have any ideas for another video airing sooner than that?

    • Of course! I am trying to put together a new video shoot for the end of this month, but I might have to push that into May. I am also scheduled to shoot with Constance Perl next month, and I have to confirm with her in another week.

      So it is likely, I will have 2 releases in May.

  2. I know it’s not from the Naked gun movie but to quote another Leslie Nielsen line: I just want to wish you luck, we’re all counting on you!

    • The classic Airplane!

      There are so many great one-liners and jokes from that movie. Brilliant writing. I think ENF lends itself well to these types of spoofs, because of the absurdity of some of the story lines and situations. Now I can picture Lydia and Tara as two stewardesses on a distressed flight, or some other travel related scenario.

  3. I was looking at occ & found a few threads dealing with ladies half dressed/undressed. “slips, panties half way down” & “Panties down”

    Some are sexy. Some are funny. Others weird.

    So this gave me the idea, instead of just seeing complete disguise(s) & Lydia’s character in underwear/nude, you could cut back & forth from Lydia’s point of view (spying on The Master Criminal – Tara) to Lydia trying to blend in but making a fool of herself instead. For example a white on one shoulder & breast, but hanging below the other breast & nowhere near the other shoulder. Maybe even 3 pairs of knickers/panties one black just below her crotch, one multi coloured around both knees & the third white around one ankle.

    This adds more detail & work. If it is too much you could always save it for “The Director’s Cut” like all the big Hollywood studios do.

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